MARY IN TEARS

SEPTEMBER 10, 2008

EULOGY FOR MY MOTHER

MY MUM IS MY HERO AND WAS MY BEST FRIEND.

I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU SOME OF MY FEELINGS ABOUT MY MUMMY, MOLLY BENDER, EVEN THOUGH IT IS PAINFUL FOR ME TO DO SO AS I MISS HER TERRIBLY AND I SO WANT TO HEAR HER VOICE AGAIN IT HURTS.

YOU SEE, THERE WAS NEVER A TIME I SPOKE WITH MY MUM MOLLY BENDER, WHEN SHE DID NOT PUT MY THOUGHTS, CONCERNS, AND EVENTS BEFORE HER OWN.

BECAUSE I HAD MOVED A FEW TOWNS AWAY, I DID NOT VISIT IN PERSON AS OFTEN AS I WOULD HAVE PERHAPS LIKED TO, BUT I COULD ALLWAYS LOOK FORWARD TO A COZY TELEPHONE CONVERSATION AT THE END OF A HECTIC DAY, WITH MY MUM. MANY TIMES I ASKED FOR ADVICE AND GREW TO TRUST HER JUDGMENT, BECAUSE IT RARELY FAILED. SHE HAD AN UNCANNY WAY OF GETTING RIGHT TO THE HEART OF THE MATTER, AND KNEW HOW TO RESOLVE A SITUATION WITH A GREAT SENSE OF STREET SMARTS AND SIMPLICITY. AFTER I HAD SPENT QUITE A FEW MINUTES RAMBLING ON ABOUT MYSELF UNTHINKINGLY, SHE WOULD ASK ME IF I HAD GONE FOR A SWIM YET TODAY, OR WHAT PLANS I HAD FOR FUN LATER ON, OR FOR DURING THE WEEKEND. AND SHE WAS HAPPY FOR ME WHEN I WAS HAPPY, THIS I KNOW.

LATELY, WHEN WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE HURRICANES, I WOULD TELL HER ‘THE ANGELS TOLD ME WE WOULD NOT HAVE A HURRICANE FOR FIVE YEARS AND WE ARE ONLY IN THE THIRD YEAR WITH TWO MORE TO GO AND THEN, IF WE TAKE VERY GOOD CARE OPF THE ENVIRONMENT, WHO KNOWS??!! ”THEN SHE WOULD SAY ‘WELL THEN, LISTEN TO YOUR ANGELS, LISTEN TO YOUR ANGELS….. ‘

ONE TIME I TOLD MY MUMMY “ YOU KNOW, MUM, IF I WERE EVER SHIPWRECKED ON THE TITANIC, YOU ARE THE ONE I WOULD TRUST IN MY ROW-BOAT. YOU ARE THE ONE I WOULD WANT TO BE TRUSTING WITH MY LIFE!!”

I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH A FINAL THOUGHT. I HAD A VERY STRONG IMPRESSION ONE DAY LATELY AFTER VISITING MUMMY IN THE ICU OF DOCTORS HOSPITAL. I SAW MUM RISING UP OUT OF HER BED AND SHE LOOKED BEAUTIFUL, LIKE SHE DID AS A YOUNG GIRL……HER HAIR WAS IN PERFECT BRUNETTE WAVES, HER FACE WAS GLOWING AND SHE WAS SMILING AT ME. THEN SHE LOOKED UP AND MY DADDY WAS THERE HOLDING HIS HAND OUT TO HER. SHE TOOK HIS HAND AND THEY BOTH STOOD HOLDING HANDS AND SMILING DOWN AT ME IN A GOLDEN LIGHT. I SUDDENLY REALIZED THAT THEY WERE SOUL MATES AND TWIN FLAMES. HE HAD BEEN WAITING FOR HER, AND NOW THEY WERE TOGETHER. I FELT SO HAPPY FOR MY MUM AND FOR JUST A MOMENT, IT MADE EVERYTHING FEEL BETTER. A FEW DAYS LATER, MY MUMMY WAS GONE.

I JUST WANTED TO SHARE THIS LAST VISION WITH ALL OF YOU TODAY, SO THAT MAYBE IT WOULD HELP ALLEVIATE THE PAIN OF SEPARATION FOR YOU ALSO, BECAUSE MAYBE THERE IS NO SEPARATION,

I THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME TELL A SMALL PART OF MY STORY ABOUT MOLLY BENDER, MY WONDERFUL MUM AND HER INNER STRENGTH AND COURAGE. I WILL MISS HER TERRIBLY.

GOOD-BY MUMMY. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

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SHOOT IT, SHOOT THE CURL!!

I was born in the "BITCHENIST" month of the year - September. This is when all the news is about hurricanes, hurricanes and more hurricanes.... now I have a choice to either live in fear of storms or get into glorious SURFIN!! when the waves here in Florida are almost as BITCHEN!! as the waves in Malibu or Hawaii ..... surfing is not only a fantastic sport, it is also a metaphor for living in courage and the light. Riding the waves and shooting the curl. Being so totally immersed in the art form of strength and balance, at one with the elements ..... Ole'! Ole'!

I quote below from the book "Gidget" written by Gidget's father Frederick Kohner about the real "Gidget" now Kathy Kohner Zuckerman, who was listed in a special commemorative issue of SURFER MAGAZINE as number seven of twenty-five most important surfers of the century, and one of two women to make the cut:

"No, I wouldn't go back. Not for the life of me. The scenery had been all set up for me like an opening performance. This was the final testing ground I had picked for myself..... I whirled around and brought the board in position. There was no waiting. I shot toward the first set of forming waves and rose. I stood it. I have to come in standing, I told myself. I gritted my teeth.
"Shoot it" I yelled. I was lifted up, sky high... and went down. But I stood it. One wave, another one. "OLE'!" I yelled. "OLE'!"
Up I was - and down I went. And still standing. I stood, high like on a mountain peak and dove down, but I stood it. The only sound in the vast moving green was the hissing of the board over the water. A couple of times it almost dropped away under my feet, but I found it again and stood my ground. "Shoot it, Gidget. Shoot the curl!!" My own voice had broken away from me and I could only hear the echo coming from a great distance.
"Shoot it.... shoot it.... shoot it, Gidget!" ..There was the shore. right there. I could almost reach out and touch it" ......

That was a simpler time in surfing history: the 50's and 60's when Kathy "Gidget" surfed in Malibu with Nicki "Da Cat" Dora a/k/a The Black Night; Mysto who had been surfing in Malibu since 1954, never missing a good day; Bill "Moondoggie" Jensen and of course, Terry "Tubesteak" Tracy, the Great Kahuna! who in the book and in actual fact lived in a hut on the beach.

That was the past. Let's go to the present. Gidget, now Kathy Kohner Zuckerman -- is marking her 36th wedding anniversary with husband Marvin Zuckerman -- turned 60 this weekend. But what else can we call her, other than Gidget? The term "Gidget" is not only part of the English language, it is is a vital link to one of the major American cultural shifts of the 20th century, the celebration of the beach and of youth culture. Gidget is an icon to teen-age girls everywhere, and a kind of team mascot in surfing history. "Today" Honolulu Star Bulletin 2001
Kathy Kohner-Zuckerman now prefers her sunsets from the sand-floored outdoor bar at Duke's, where she works as a hostess....
"Malibu is eternal," she said. "It's the endless summer along the Pacific Coast Highway. It's where the sun, surf and California lifestyle are at their sparkliest."

Now, one doesn't have to actually surf to enjoy the sport!! My 60" x 48" oil painting featured above is of one of my heroes, Laird Hamilton, the BITCHENIST big wave surfer ever!! I enjoyed the vicarious thrill of painting this painting and I share with you the eternal thrill of this moment, captured and frozen in time.....

I DEDICATE this blog entry , with beautiful memories, to my beloved mother MOLLY BENDER who recently gave me the book "Gidget" before she passed away this Sunday, September 7th, 2008. May she rest in GLORIOUS PEACE with My Father MICHAEL BENDER, GOD, and the ANGELIC HOST.

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